whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
