Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
