Umm I'm too high to move.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
