She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
