Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He passed out mid-signature
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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