I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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