he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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