Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
