Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
