you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
