Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
