How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
