Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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