Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
