So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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