ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
