I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
