Where did you get a picture of my penis
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
