just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
