I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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