Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
