don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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