How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
