did you get engaged???
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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