if you like me you must not know who I am
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
