Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
