a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
