No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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