He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
