ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
