a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
