wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
