we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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