I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
