remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
