We named our party play list daddy issues
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
