Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
