this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
