I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
