You smell like stripper and shame
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
