my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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