Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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