I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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