he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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