I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
