I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
