I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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