Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
