Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
