Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
