I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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