i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
