You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
